gunnamakeit

Well!

It’s so hard to work out — when you can’t.

$30/month really isn’t in my budget and it’s either always snowy/icy outside. Inside is so … boring. It’s so hard to stay focused in the comfort of my own home. I’ve been doing a little inside, but not much.

I don’t want to wait for spring to have a stable workout plan of SOME sort. =/

The only light in this tunnel is my eating habits. I’ve been SO conscious about what I eat. Counting calories like crazy! It’s not enough to compensate, but better than nothing, yes?

On another note, today at school I have a friend, Hannah, of whom I usually walk with (she’s really pretty/skinny & such), and today she was asked to sit with a very some-what mutual friend, Jesse. Jess asked her to sit with her at lunch and she said yes, assuming Jess would have saved a seat for me. She didn’t. I was kind of ticked off, but I’m not one to get mad, especially at Hannah, no hard feelings whatsoever. It was just the situation itself. I talk to Jess pretty much everyday … so what’s up with that? Ahhh well.

IN OTHER NEWS:

I’m going to see Dear John soon!! I read the book, I hope the movie is some-what as amazing.

Before I close, I’d like to thank everyone who comments/messages/supports. You honestly have no idea how much that helps me. (Perhaps you do, as you’re in my situation =p )

But yes, it really does make a difference. I should add more people on here, the more the VERY MUCH merrier.

I’m so pumped again. I’m back on track.

2/5/09

I

am

a

wreck.

Guys, I find myself desiring to slip more and more. I don’t know if I wrote about it last post, nor did I read it before this, but maaaan. It’s hard.

Hopefully I’ll be getting a gym membership soon. $30/month isn’t cheap, though.

I feel horrible right now. I haven’t been able to go out due to ice on the ground. This just sucks, sucks, sucks!

I want to change more than anything — I’ll just have to prove it to myself.

I PROMISE NO MORE SLIP-UPS. Promisepromisepromise. I have to keep up my work!

I usually give myself motivational talks. Some of the things I say to myself are things such as:

-”How bad do you want this?”

-”Who made this decision?”

-”If you eat _____ you’d have to run _ minutes/hours to burn it off, is it worth it?”

Sometimes I ignore myself.

It’s hard. Very, very hard. =/

Wow, I almost haven’t updated for two weeks. I look back and I remember telling myself no matter what I’d get this done daily and not make excuses. Probably why I have a problem.

I did give myself a bit much with all the stuff I have going on, but no excuses. I’ll probably update weekly.

I’ve yet to actually measure weight loss thus far. I have been sticking to my diet with a slip or two=/

I exercise daily, except for when the weather is horrid.

I do feel a great deal better, though, even without numbers. You know how you have “good and bad” days? I’ve come to the conclusion that people don’t actually notice their own weight loss visually until they see an old picture, or even think really hard about it or something of that nature, but they more-so get more and more “good” days.

This is also what I think, it applies to me, at least.

I hope weather is all good. It’s beginning to feel good to run, rather than having to drag myself out there.

Well, I have hella tests tomorrow. I will update asap!! No more than a week I promise!!

P.S. I kinda want a special guy in my life. No one in particular yet, but every time I even ALMOST get to that “past flirting” point, I get this gut feeling, a physical matter. Ever felt homesick? That’s what it feels like - but by no means am I homesick in school or wherever I may be. It’s odd.

I want something, but my gut tells me no. Oh, the irony.

One week has gone by. I didn’t get my exact weight so I’m not sure of any progress.

Anyway, it’s been snowing and I don’t have a gym membership. How am I supposed to make that work?! I don’t like to do anything like cardio in my house because if I jump or anything … well, shit just might fall from downstairs!

I had oranges for breakfast, coffee and bibingka for a snack. I’ve yet to eat dinner. I’m not very hungry.

Oh! I haven’t posted in the past two days!!=[

I’ve been really busy. It’s been snowing, too! I have been keeping up with everything, though=] I didn’t go jog today due to snow, but I did for 1-1/2 hours Tuesday and Wednesday. I love it; I am a person who loves to be alone for a while. Especially since I run around 4-5:30ish and the sun is setting. It’s really breath-taking for me, even though it is a simple sunset. They’ll absolutely never get old for me.

Anyway, I used to not eat lunch, but now I buy Garden salads. If I have a snack after school, it’s an apple. For dinner I’ve been cutting down as well.

I’ve so very excited to see any progress!

TTFN: ta ta for now!

Well, unfortunately today wasn’t too different form yesterday. I woke up, went to church and ate breakfast. I went to my RCIA class, and the break was about 30 minutes. I decided to not sit there and stare at the wall and to go running outside, nothing serious, but better than sitting there wasting oxygen, right?

For lunch, I literally had a few bites of steak and rice. (I don’t have much choice).

I then went to the mall for 3 hours. So, that’s basically 3 hours of walking on and off, not a steady pace, but still, better than sitting there. If it wasn’t a weekend and I didn’t have money I’d most certainly be out jogging or something of that nature.

For dinner I had the rest of the VERY thin steak and some rice with water. (Throughout the day I managed a few glasses of water, by the way). I practiced piano and now here I am. About to shower.

Goodnight, Evalynn ; ) and new friends!

Hello blog!

Today is the first day of my diary entries.

Today, I woke up late. Shame on me! When I did finally decide to roll out of bed, I watched the Blind Side. What a good, good movie!

For breakfast, I had a glass of water, two pieces of sausage on bread and fried rice. (I kind of can’t help it - I’m 1/2 filipino and live with my filipino grandparents!)

I guess that is something I’ll have to work on, huh?

Then I took a shower and practiced piano.

I called my friend Ashley (Ash for short) about going to the mall to blow $300 I’d gotten for Christmas ( =] ) Unfortunately, Ash had to work =[[[

Well, I’m not one to pass on missing sales, so I went anyway!! SOOO many sales, EVERY STORE! I had a field day in Charlotte Russe! I also went to Mourise’s (spelling), Pacsun, Payless and Vanity. I bought lots of clothes and jewelry.

By the time I was finished, my grandparents and I went to Outback. I had a soup and chicken salad. Though the chicken salad was a little salty for me, I liked the both of them, especially the soup.

When I got home, I put my things away and realized I’d dedicated myself to something and had not yet tended to it on my first day! NO EXCUSES! I did 20 minutes of cardio. I cut it because here I was jumping up and down making a lot of noise and probably knocking down glass downstairs. I definitely felt that 20 minutes.

I’m going to name you, journal. I’m going to name you Evalynn.

Evalynn, my name is Anabelle and I am glad to have started this journey with you.

So I thought it was about time to give myself the very best kind of friend. My own best friend. The one with the very best responses - no response at all.

A different take on a best friend, but why not dare to be different?!

I’m kind of like a turtle; I’m very sheltered, I only come out when I want to, I filter what comes out, and I’ll scurry right back in when I come across someone unfamiliar. (No, I’m not slow!)

This is my second-person point of view on things. (If I were to be talking to a person.)

It’s kind of a step closer to actually being able to talk TO people.

The main purpose of making this, though, is to keep myself on track.

I, like a large percentage of the world, am trying to lose the weight. I used to tell myself that it didn’t matter. I’m not a big fan of lying, but why lie to myself? It does matter. It matters to me, why? I don’t know! It’s what kills me most!

I will not get sick with the way I am, and if I stay like this, chances are that I won’t develop a disease, or any long-term sickness, such as diabetes.

Then why does it matter? The whole world is prejudice.No matter how much we tell ourselves that we won’t judge other people based solely upon physical features (probably 60%+ is on weight), we do anyway!

You probably think I’m worried about what other people think of me, don’tcha? Wrong. It’s what I think of myself.

Here I am, 16, and almost 190. Since I am 5′9″ (tall!!) and I have a large frame, I do not look all-out fat. I have a pretty good fashion sense, and I can see myself from a third person point of view, so I know which clothes look good and flatter every area of imperfection. However, when the clothes come off….

Hopefully this journey will answer the already-said question:

WHY DOES IT MATTER?

Hopefully then I can help others who are the same way as I. Because I know there are MANY!

Today is New Year’s Day. My journey begins January 2, 2010.